Ah, here I am blogging again, when years ago I told myself I was completely done. It's funny how time changes things. 

But really, diary's and notebooks just aren't for me. It's too slow- my thoughts come faster than my hands can move. Typing, well, I'm quite fast at that. I remember back in my old blogging days I thought having a blog was the coolest thing. Friends would ask for a MySpace and I would give them a blogger URL, and then I would wait at home seeing if they would comment. But they never did, which was probably for the best. Looking back now, I can tell rather clearly that they didn't have many friendly characteristics.

What has stumped many, then and now, is what to talk about in a blog? But really, what's not to talk about? There are a MILLION things to talk about. There is so much going on in every day of your life, even if you're a couch potato. Many people don't see things as I do, which is fine, but I think if they saw things more artistically, then their life would be more meaningful.

Every day I try to make my life something. That may not make sense- let me explain it differently- I try to make my life a life that I can be proud of, a life that has seen many things and has loved many things, felt many things. Why am I bringing this up? Because not only is it one of the million things to talk about, but it is a very important subject to me. I may only be 17, but I plan on squeezing as much life into my life as possible.

Over the past few days I have been trying to find happiness - a key ingredient to feeling like you've lived a good life. Not to say that I'm not happy. I'm rather happy. But I want the kind of happiness that makes everything feel right. A happiness that makes you want to giggle like crazy and to be carefree about everything. I want to be carefree. I have OCD, so it's hard to feel carefree. It's hard to feel FREE, period. Having to capitalize everything correctly and spell everything right and proof read over and over doesn't make me feel free. Having to clean my room over and over when it's obviously clean doesn't make me feel free. And to always feel like I have to look behind me in fear that someone is spying on me absolutely DOES NOT make me feel carefree. And so if freedom will not come to me, then I will pursue it. 

I know I'm jumping around a lot in this post, but I just want to get my thoughts out, no matter how confusing and ridiculous they sound.
So thanks for reading or skimming or whatever you did. Please come again ;]

I think it's funny.. xD